Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Plastic Spider Rings And Winds Of Change



It’s been a weird couple of months.

I’m in that time of life where I keep waiting for things to go back to “normal,” but I’m not sure that the “normal” that’s imprinted in my brain still exists. Life keeps evolving and getting more complicated and changing, and by the time I start to adapt to one way of life, another thing springs itself into the picture and I’m only trying to adapt again.

I can’t figure if this is just what life is or if it’s just the period of life I’m in.  People keep telling me that I’m in my prime and I need to capture every moment and I need to embrace being young and live up all the opportunities that come my way.

But I just feel tired. I’m just trying to survive.

I feel so passionate about being a good person. About being a good friend. Being the type of person I want to be to whomever crosses my path. And living up to the potential I know I have. I don’t want to make mistakes—I wish I could just have everything figured out and divide my time perfectly and for everyone to feel loved and create beautiful art and map everything out the way I want.

But it’s hard knowing if I’m being a good friend or not. If I’m putting the right amount of effort into the right things. It’s hard when you can’t see the future and you have no idea if your efforts will come to fruition.

I’m not sure what crazy gene differentiates us writers from the rest of the world… why we choose to torture ourselves for the sake of creating something that will hopefully one day touch someone. I’m not sure why we are sometimes plagued with jealousy— when we look at other lives and are jealous of freedom and having adventures and living a life that looks so appealing…

But then I stop and know I’m being ridiculous. I wouldn’t change anything. Because everything I’ve lived up to this moment has molded who I am. And I can only hope that right now—that this crazy time I’m living right now—is molding a future me, a better stronger version of myself.

And it’s in these moments when I stop and reflect that I realize that no matter our past—no matter what lives we lived until this moment—that we’re all just trying to survive. We’re all facing our own tailored individualized demons.

Ever feel the winds of change? Like when you know something big is coming on the horizon? For me, I think it’s just finally coming to know myself. I’m realizing the things that don’t have any place in my life. Like when you have to strip yourself of all the noise and really get down to WHY you do the things you do. To WHAT drives you and what is going to shape you as a person.

For me, it’s been a good time to focus on the simple things. So when people tell me that I should be out having adventures and “living the dream,” all I really want to do is remember what it was like to be a kid, when the most exciting thing in the world was to get a plastic spider ring.

Because really, for some moments, that’s enough. 



Red. Head. Out. ;)   

45 comments:

  1. *huggles* I'm really not sure there is much I can add here as you kind of worked through it all in this post. Just wanted you to know I read it, and my inbox is always open for you! x

    ReplyDelete
  2. If only "life" came with an instruction book. Of course, knowing me, I'd probably lose the book anyway :D

    Many times, "living the dream" IS living the simple life, so cherish those moments and keep doing what you're doing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just have to take life as life, there is no true norm really. Things are always going to change, unless you are a hermit way back in the woods somewhere, then things may stay normal for a bit haha

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm not much for change either. I'm a creature of habit.
    Embrace the challenges though. That's God working on your edges and fine-tuning you to be better and stronger.
    And you are definitely being the best friend you can.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Change is the only constant in life, or so it seems. One of the great ironies. Sending thoughts your way, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh yeah. We're constantly adapting to a new reality, and as such, I make a regular practice of decluttering the schedule. I long ago quit doing crafts or decorating my house. I quit watching TV or movies. (With the occasional exception.) Most things have fallen into a rigid calendar so sanity remains. Truth, I think the prime of our lives is the busiest season. Maybe I'm wrong, but it sure seems to be that way. And who told time it could exponentially get faster the older you get? That's just not cool.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Those plastic rings always gave me the heebees. Change isn't always easy, and sometimes we just want to cling to the past, a place where we can rely on and find comfort because it actually happened. I'm sharing this crossroad with you, and I can either choose to let change affect me or I can be that change. Who said you have to go somewhere to have an adventure anyway? :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Everyone has a different normal, depending on one's formative experiences or current realities. Sometimes certain experiences shape us so much we'll never really be so-called normal again, or never were so-called normal. The most important thing is to use those experiences to create a better tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sounds like we've had a VERY similar couple months. :) Nothing in my home and personal life has been stable leading up to an extended period of 'not normal'. I've dropped the ball on so many things, but it has all been in the name of keeping THE most important things intact. I think that's where the key is: When you strip away all of the 'stuff'', what remains? Family? Love? Simple things that make you feel whole? (Like walks, quiet reading time, cooking, music, dancing or doing activities with your kids, watching an inspiring movie, etc.)

    While I agree that we should seize every healthy moment and opportunity to do more with our lives and have adventures, it's the things we keep coming back to that really define living. Just my thoughts--and a mantra I use to keep me from feeling guilty. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. *hugs* In the end, we're all just trying to survive. And change can be good. The things in our past help us evolve into who we are in the future, and that can really be a good thing because it means we're growing as a person--just like our characters grow in our stories. It makes life more interesting. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Morgan ... personally I don't mind change - but the degree of normality must be around too ... EJ says some wise words ... it's keeping that balance ... cheers with all your balances .. you've got lots going on - just keep the red-head!! Cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
  12. Millennials are interesting creatures: 1) They look at all they have and it's not enough, 2) everything that they tell me is supposed to blow. my. mind. 3) if they use Spotify, they really should listen to the Cure because it could dispel all that optimism instilled by helicopter parenting, 4) they are besieged by cynical Generation X'ers who are exhausted with them (like me!) 5) They have zero game, 6) they have personal branding at the forefront of their minds, and 7) they are not just "super." They are special too, just like a snowflake.

    So here is my cure for you. Hang out with more generation X'ers and you'll feel so much better about yourself in no time at all!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Morgan, I feel like my life has been one change after another for the last two years. Some were good, some were heart wrenching. The more I think about it, try to put it into a larger context, I realize that our lives are on constantly shifting sands. Maybe the need to better understand that is what makes *some* of us turn to writing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are an AWESOME friend :) And I think you're amazing at all you do, so you must be doing something right! Also, "We’re all facing our own tailored individualized demons." <-- Yep. That's a really important thing to remember. Whenever the jealousy hits, or the feelings of inadequacy, just remember that we're all facing our own demons. And *I* for one think you are rockin' this whole "life" thing :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Make a list. Make a list of your top three goals in life - and don't think any of them have to be writing related. If they are, great. Tack that list up next to your bed and look at it every now and then. Everything will fall into place.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Focusing on the simple things is something that I need to remember to do. I get so hung up on all the complicated, 'adult', stressful things all too often. You've touched on so many things in this post that I've been thinking/feeling in recent months. So nice to know I'm not alone, Morgan. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Cheers to plastic spider rings! Those feelings are important to hold on to. For me, its the cool air and the rising moon behind the trees on a dark October night...I love this time of year, can you guess?

    ReplyDelete
  18. And, even better, 10 plastic spider rings! One for each finger! Because that's just awesome!
    Except they don't fit on my fingers anymore.

    Advice is only individually good, so I have none for you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I seriously need to print this post out and stick it up on my refrigerator or something. This made me want to yell YES really loudly: "But I just feel tired. I’m just trying to survive." I hear you on that, loud and clear. And what you said about stripping away all the noise rings true to me as well. I think it's so easy to let life get clogged up with things that aren't important, when really it's so much healthier to simplify. Thanks for sharing this, Morgan! And enjoy that spider ring! Spiders creep the heck out of me. I'm more of a toad kind of girl lol. :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. Some moments, that's enough. That's true. And the best way to live life, and live the dream is to find those moments when you know, this is life, and it's enough. Adventures are good when you can have them, but life isn't just made up of adventures, it's made up of the little bits of living in between. And sometimes in life all we can do is hang on and wait for 'normal'.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sometimes just having a good day can be your greatest adventure. Being happy matters more than having a lot. Insightful post Morgan.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Morgan, I know how you feel--like maybe you're on a treadmill, trying to catch up. But you know what? Our inbox will always be full. Now that my oldest son is a senior in high school, I definitely savor each moment with him and our other sons. This life rushes by us way too fast, and if we don't embrace each peak and valley, we'll miss out on so much. You are an amazing friend, Morgan. I once read somewhere: "work hard, be kind. that is all." I think that sums you up perfectly! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  23. As most writers, you seem to have worked through your internal fog and pain. Each stage of life is challenging since we learn by doing ... and failing. But if you have your health, you have wealth that later on in life you will realize you did not appreciate enough. A body that is not stiff and does not hurt constantly in all the thousand ways it does later on in life is truly a treasure.

    I worked with a 84 year old woman who was not as spry as she once was. A younger worker mocked her slow gait directly behind her, beaming a smile at me as if I would appreciate the joke. I merely raised one eyebrow and thought how in the future life would gnarl her fingers and stoop her spine -- then how funny would she find it?

    Thanks for visiting my blog today. It made me feel not quite so alone. And each of us can only strive to be better today than we were yesterday, knowing we will never be perfect. Thanks for being my friend, Roland

    ReplyDelete
  24. The true dream is still being able to have fun playing with those plastic rings. Yeah, yeah, live your life, but it's in the details where we find out happiness. Like wearing the spider ring to work and making one coworker jump and the other one roll their eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Someone said this to me when I was young and it actually turned out to be true. She said life gets so much easier as you get older. When you're young, you're still trying to figure out who you are and where you're going. Once you reach your 30s, 40s...and beyond, you just become so much more comfortable in your skin. Ironically, you long for your youth, which is weird because you know you're happier than you were back then! I think we all want the looks and energy we had when you were young with the wisdom and comfort you have when you're older.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi Morgan, hugs. Life is a challenge, that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are an awesome friend. What is the saying, life is what happens while you're making plans?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Honestly, I am not sure that we ever get a handle on life. As soon as we think we know what is going on, snap... it changes. Accept that you aren't going to always get it right. Do your best and learn how to let it go. (I am terrible at letting things go... it's been a lot of work for me to get to a place where I let go and just accept.) We all long for those days when we were young and our problems were small. Of course, at the time they didn't SEEM small. Just like they don't now.

    If you can accept where you are RIGHT NOW and just enjoy living in the moment... I think that is the key.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yes, what Robin said about living in the moment.

    I think sometimes people focus so much on the "good things" owed to them in the future that at a certain point they just stop enjoying the present. Think the carrot dangling on a string in front of the horse on a treadmill. That's no way to live a life. Work for more and always strive to improve yourself, yes, but enjoy your life in the present and don't judge your success by the success awaiting you in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You seriously always have the best posts. And I honestly think that the whole "living the dream" thing is about finding yourself. Some people manage that on quests and travel, others do so in a totally different way. Sometimes it's just a really fun spider ring that helps :) But in the end, isn't that the best dream to live, to really know yourself? It is for me, at least! :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. One thought to add to some very good comments. If you are concerned with being a good enough friend, you are one.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hey Morgan!

    Yes, it's me, the alleged human of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! Yes, my name is Gary.

    As we both know, life has so many twists and turns. Yet, the now can be all we want it to be. To be part of that dream which moulds our reality. You are finely tuned to the winds of emotion. A writer seizes that tuning and even the worst moments verbalised can see that good can come from the most unlikely of sources. Keep living and sharing your dream, dear Morgan.

    Hugs, Penny's alleged human,

    Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. SURPRISE.... Tis I...

    My dear, young, friend.... LIGHTEN UP! You are fire and need the air to bellow around you so you can ignite into a gleaming flame for all of us to bask in...

    Yes, life is hard. It's forever evolving... take it from one who has lived many lives. And has many more. As do you. Breathe. Let your tensions flow from your fingertips and generate out into nature. You will rejuvenate. A crisp wind is in the air. Even though life seems to be fading it is only taking a short nap.

    I know your frustrations. I honestly wish I could say it will get better in middle age. But life seems to throw up barriers and the older you get the more difficult they SEEM... But there is also a peace. You will know yourself. You will understand why you are here and what you are here to do.Your creative self will never die. It may go on hiatus for what seems like a lifetime, but amazingly it will return and flow through you like molting lava ready to erupt.

    For you, at this time, your family plays a very important part in your life. Molding four lives and nurturing them is not one, but two full time jobs. You took on great responsibilities at such an early age. In time... the answers you seek will reveal themselves to you when you least expect it.

    I am still waiting for several answers myself. LOL. It doesn't get easier, BUT it's part of living. And there is always something new and exciting just waiting around the next bend.

    I will write to you in the next day or so. I may have some news of my next journey.....

    ReplyDelete
  34. I love this. I think that's why God gives us kids, to make us slow down and enjoy the fun stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I have gotten that sense of change before, yes. I've been very introspective recently, unhappy with myself, trying to figure out some things. We all need to have these moments to figure out where we're going next.

    ReplyDelete
  36. That's a great perspective to have! Why should we doubt the choices we've made? As long as we're alive it's never too late to change, right?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Change in life is hard to embrace...

    ReplyDelete
  38. Sending hugs, and happy thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  39. You ARE a good person and a good friend. I remember something from a lesson I taught many years ago to a group of 16 and 17 year old girls. Essentially, it was that we can do anything we want in life, but we can't do everything. We have to prioritize what's important for us. No one else can do that for us. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  40. Focusing on the simple things IS your way of capturing the moment. As a writer, you are more alive than most of the people out there. Just go with the flow and all will work out in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I didn't know we had a talk and this is the advice I asked you for. weird! *hugs babe*

    ReplyDelete
  42. Life is definitely a roller coaster for sure. However, it sounds like you have it under control and doing a great job adapting and learning and growing and I think that's what life is all about in the end. Send you some uplifting vibes!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Love this post. Your examples are exactly why it's important ti write down what we're experiencing, if only for comparison. I'm happy this year is so much better.

    ReplyDelete

 
There was an error in this gadget

Search Away

Follow by Email

Site design by: The Blog Decorator