This is my second IWSG post! Thanks, Alex, for providing such a healthy outlet. :)
Sometimes I think I’ve got a little Jekyll and Hyde in me. When I need to, I slap on my “conference persona,” where I’m not afraid to walk up to any agent/editor/author/person, and strike a conversation. Say the right words, be professional, create relationships. All to help progress me on my writing adventure.
Not shaking-in-my-boots terrified. I can’t remember the last time I ever felt nerves (that happens when you grow up on stage) But terrified I’ll never be good enough.
It’s one thing to have the persona of being confident, to do all the right things, say all the right things, but it really does just come down to the writing. And I’m scared out of my mind I’m not smart enough, clever enough, will never have the brain power to create something timeless.
What’s funny, is I can look back and see each small success, each step of progression, where I’ve come leaps and bounds. That in and of itself should be confidence enough that I’m growing, learning.
But I’m still scared.
Because with each step, we’re putting ourselves out there more and more. First, it’s just the step of doing it. Writing. The only fear that comes from this is the fear of disappointing ourselves. Then it’s coming out to the world. Blogging. Telling everyone that you’re a writer. Voicing your thoughts and ideas for anyone to tear down.
Next it’s putting yourself out there to be torn apart by betas. To see your work ripped to shreds only to have you pick up the remnants and piece it back together. AFTER THAT there’s the whole querying/submission thing that is an adventure all on it’s own. THEN there’s actually having your work being out there on shelves. And the fear of what people will think.
The list goes on, and all of this kind of fear I’m okay with. But the only thing I really struggle with, is if I’ll ever truly be “there.”
I try to display confidence in all my actions, just because if I make myself believe I have what it takes, then hopefully it will come to fruition. Positive energy to the universe and all that. (Though I actually had an anonymous comment once where the person said I was over confident, and needed to tone down my confidence level!) Er… I honestly laughed. Because they had misread my post completely.
Long story short, I’m scared. But I’m going to continue with my Jekyll and Hyde confidence façade until I master the fear. And besides, what are IWSG posts for? For the other 30 days of the month, I can be as confident (on the outside) as I want. ;)
Red. Head. Out. :D
**And those of you guessing from the post below why I got my ticket, Tiana was right! I know, I'm boring...